Thursday, March 21, 2013


Many of us would have thought a movie about a wandering, left-for-dead hitchhiker, who awakes from some trauma and embarks on a vengeful killing spree, would have been virtually unfilmable. Filmaker Quentin Dupieux apparently realized this and decided to make that "hitchhicker" a used tire. (You are correct that used tire was not written in ironic quotes...Either time.) So, how does this "experiment" fare? Who knows? But what we would say is that you should never watch Rubber without a Scorecard. (Did you see what we did there?):
  • Thinking of a movie that features a vengeful tire with the power to explode people's heads, and then actually making it. = +100pts.
  • The feng shue value of placing chairs along a dirt road. Or, what the rest of the world calls littering. = -5pts
  • Opening scene driving test FAIL. = +10pts
  • Accompanying monologue. = +30pts
  • Calling your movie a "great film" before it even starts. = -15pts
  • The name "Wings Hauser." +10pts
  • Watching a resurrected tire learn to roll again. = +20pts.
  • Watching a tire hone its killing talents on empty water bottles, scorpions, beer bottles, rusty tin cans, and cute bunnies. = +35 pts
  • Holy cow! Fat Neal! = +10pts
  • Audience commentary past the meta-intro. You don't need to tell us that a tire with psychokinetic powers is cool. WE ALREADY KNOW THAT! = -30pts
  • Even tires need to sleep. Apparently at night too. Remember that on your next road-trip. = +3pts
  • Running over a tire in the middle of the road and then not stopping to see if it's okay. = -10pts
  • Having that same tire regain consciousness, track you down for revenge, and explode your head (for you = -50pts) for us.= +75pts
  • Being an officer of the law and not stopping to question the only object rolling/fleeing from a crime scene. = -25pts
  • Taking a shower in a seedy hotel room and leaving your front door open for just any old tire to roll in through. = -40pts
  • Having one of your meta-actors comment that the ass of the female who agreed to be naked in your movie is "not that great". = -50pts
  • Renting a hotel room to a homicidal tire. = -5pts
  • Implied bestiality. = -10pts
  • Full frontal tire nudity. = +20pts
  • Wearing leather boots to the pool. = -5pts
  • Adding exploded bird entrails to your dad's pizza. = -20pts, Doing it in front of a hitchhiking hippie = +20pts (Technically a wash)
  • The realization that your meta-experiment isn't playing out the way you planned. = -10pts
  • Attempting to befriend an unstable homicidal tire. = -5pts
  • Eating the poisoned food of your own trap. = -5pts
  • Filming a pile of burning tires. (pre-holocaust = 0pts) Post-holocaust. = -50pts
  • Attempting to fool a homicidal tire to its doom by tempting it with a mannequin strapped with explosives that looks nothing like you. = +25pts
  • Coming soon: Tricycle. = +10pts
Total Score = +83pts
Available on: Netflix Streaming

In just concept and initial execution alone, this movie started off with a bang. However, the second act drags down what could have been a scorecard record. Does anyone have a tissue?

Score Technician: Sean McConnell

No comments:

Post a Comment