Monday, February 4, 2013

Our Mission Statement

What is the Progressive Cinema Scorecard? There is no simple answer. The Progressive Cinema Scorecard was initially developed by a team of MIT research assistants as a means of stress-testing military structures. Using the latest advancements in arbitrary reasoning, the PCS can be applied to nearly any purpose or situation in order to provide its users with an unimpeachably accurate analysis. After losing all of their funding in the wake of a skull & bones prank gone horrifically wrong, the contributors to this site decided to apply this delicate process to that which is valuable to everyone: films. What types of films you ask? The best kind. But also some of the worst kind. Using the Progressive Cinema Scorecard you’ll be able to determine the entertainment value of any movie.

A film’s “final score” will reflect one of three outcomes:

1.    The higher the + score, the awesomer the movie.
2.    The higher the – score, the awesomer the movie (for the wrong reasons).
3.    The closer to 0 the score, the closer to 0 the movie.

The mission of this website, therefore is to provide thoughtful, scientifically reasoned ratings of feature films in the hopes of promulgating works of cinematic genius, fostering a deeper appreciation of the arts, perhaps even saving lives. In order to remain transparent to our readers, we have chosen to make available the components to the “final score.” Our only wish is that you treat these scoring mechanics with the respect they deserve and that you only apply them in situations with immature adult supervision. We also recommend having the scorecard handy when engaging with any of the films covered, as it will likely be the roadmap that preserves your sanity.

In addition, we also have a crack staff of layabouts who have their fingers on their own pulse. These individuals, using their vast network of inebriated personal imaginings, lay around their sad apartments breaking the entertainment news stories you need broken.

We here at the Progressive Cinema Scorecard take our responsibilities seriously and welcome any concerned reader who may have a film they need scoring. Feel free to post in the comments or send us an email.

For those of us tasked with this sacred duty, we simply say: You’re welcome.

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