Flashdance

Flashdance, the first collaboration between Don Simpson and Jerry Bruckheimer, and starring Jennifer Beals, is the story of Alex and her dreams of leaving behind the exotic dance scene and pursuing more traditional, socially acceptable genres of dance. Somewhere along the way, she falls in movielust with her boss, who will henceforth be referred to as ‘Creepy Boss.’ Will Alex and Creepy Boss find their happy ending? Will you feel clean after watching this movie? Only The Scorecard knows…

• The rocking out session necessitated by the opening credits’ quintessential 80’s anthem, "Flashdance… What a Feeling” = +5pts
• Alex’s perfect hair cascading out of welding mask. = +4pts
• Iconic wet chair dance scene does not disappoint! = +10pts
• For having the creepiest meet cute of all time. Ew. Has it ever been socially acceptable to pursue an employee to whom you suddenly became attracted after seeing her stripping at a sleazy bar? = -3pts
• Alex’s super cute pit bull stealing all the scenes and having a better screen presence than Creepy Boss could ever dream of having = +1pt
• Discussing sex in a gothic cathedral with a way-too-interested priest = -2pts
• Girl obsessing over whether or not the guy will call. = -10pts (In 1983 = +13pts, in 2013 = -23pts)
• Appropriate use of the word “honkey” = +3pts
• Creepy Boss thinking it’s cool to follow a girl to her place of residence after she narrowly escapes a rape. = -7pts
• Having sex with guy so he won’t leave. = -10pts (Classic!)
• Not waking him up for work the next morning even though he’s your boss and you have to be at the same place at the same time. = +5pts
• Cheesy lover’s stroll montage including high heels and railroad tracks. = -12pts (Could have been a positive had they realistically cut to a broken ankle and scene in an emergency room.)
• “If you close your eyes, you can see the music.” What does that mean when there’s no music playing? = -7pts
• But really, who is that old lady? Were we still contemplating the “see the music” line or maybe dozing off when she was introduced? She seems to be some sort of ballet Mr. Miyagi…only time will tell. = -5pts
• Throwing a rock through the window of a cheating man’s house. = +8pts
• Oh, wait, he explains it away in less than 5 minutes. = -5pts (A very tense 5 minutes...)
• Dude! You are not seriously following her again! = -13pts
• Calling your friend on the Arts’ Council because you have zero confidence in her ability to get an audition based on her own merits= -16pts
• Jeanie leaving the bar with handsy rapist?! = -21pts (Too much to handle…feminist capacity…shutting down…to maintain sanity.)
• Irrational female emotion causing car wrecks and shit. = -6pts
• Domestic violence. Always lovely. = -19pts
• Kickass dance audition. = +14pts (Female empowerment, dreams are alive and well! Well, except for the rape, stalking, and gaslighting.)
• All the goodwill of previous score negated by Creepy Boss creeping outside the audition. = -14pts. (It’s probably better not to contemplate how he kidnapped her dog from her house also.)

Total Score = -103pts
Available On: Netflix Instant Streaming, Your Mom’s YouTube List Entitled “Dead Dreams From the 80’s”

The best thing about Flashdance is inarguably (seriously, don’t argue) the perfect 80’s tunes that accompany the big-haired, backlit exotic dancing.  You know you want to watch it again.

Flashdance…What a Feeling, performed by Irene Cara won both a Golden Globe and an Academy Award for Best Original Song. Thanks to this movie, chair dancing is now a legit subset of dance and can be majored in at Julliard or any community college across the U.S. and more progressive parts of Northern Europe. While it was exhausting to watch this confusing relationship unfold between Alex and Creepy Boss, it reminds us of how far romantic comedies have come in the thirty years since this movie was released. We put our faith in 30 Rock that the new Millennial woman would never stand for a bland leading man with stalkerish tendencies. One thing is clear: Stripping ain’t what it used to be.

Score Technician: Savannah Tankersley