Tuesday, November 5, 2013

American Horror Story: Coven, Episode 4

After the third episode’s chilling and gruesome cautionary tales of aberrant sexual appetites, the nanobots were ready for American Horror Story: Coven to focus more on witchy drama goodness. Time to turn the drama up to eleven!
  • There’s no vigilante justice quite like voodoo murder Confederate zombie vigilante justice. = +12pts 
  • Spalding isn’t as concerned with the book value of his doll collection as to not have a lovely tea party with them. = +7pts 
  • Fiona makes her first non-homicidal act on the show to help to heal Queenie’s minotaur sex gouges. = +6pts 
  • Damn it, Zoe! Didn’t anyone teach you not to leave the front door open? Now the Frankenstein’s loose! = -5pts 
  • Angela Bassett’s flashback afro. = +2pts 
  • FX makes it clear that it’s alright to show sex on TV as long as the accompanying orgasm is appropriately terrifying. = +4pts 
  • Fashion isn’t the Witches Council’s top priority, but shouldn’t it be? = -3pts 
  • There’s nothing creepy about Spalding giving the newly-constructed effigy a big hug. Nothing at all. = +3pts 
  • When you meet a guy in an “online community” for Thomas Kincaid painting collectors, you’re pretty much asking to be his latest victim. = -2pts 
  • For Zoe to be present at the Council interrogation implies that she didn’t pursue FrankenKyle or dispose of his mom’s body. = -4pts 
  • We’d like to think that if Alfred had his tongue enchanted to give away Bruce Wayne’s secret, he’d do exactly as Spalding did for Fiona. = +4pts (That’s love!) 
  • To celebrate the acquisition of his newest “doll,” Spalding dresses up in his finest grandma nightgown. = -3pts (It clashes with his beard) 
  • The producers must have sat down with the writers and said, “You know what would be a good way to counterbalance the boring flashback scene? Having someone throw acid in Cordelia’s face for no good reason!” = -5 pts 
  • Voodoo Murder Zombie Vigilante Justice 2: The Revengening, starring the LaLaurie Sisters! = +6pts
Total Points = +22 pts
Season Score = +78 pts

This episode left more loose ends than a deep-fried fish taco buffet , but was just as delicious to consume. Can’t wait to see Witches vs. Zombies!

Score Technician: TJ Geise

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