Thursday, July 17, 2014

True Blood Season 7, Episode 4

And the great True Blood experiment of ’14 continues. To review the rules go here. Let’s see what’s been going on with this show that I’m barely acquainted with.
  • Apparently “Alcide” is pronounced like “El Cid.” For reminding us of a sweet Charlton Heston movie. = +6pts 
  • “He loved the fuck out of you, Sookie.” = +3pts 
  • This Eric guy doesn’t tell his airline stewardess/human juicebox that he has vamp AIDS until after he’s done drinking off of her. Not cool, man. = -4pts 
  • Two vampires getting sentenced to run a video store in small town Louisiana sounds like the premise of a failed NBC sitcom. = +8pts 
  • Holy cow, they STILL haven’t found the people in the basement of the industrial bar? What’s everyone been doing for the past two episodes? = -6pts 
  • The True Blood gang stages an intervention for Ginger Porch Vamp’s eating disorder. Pretty sure I saw this afterschool special already. = -3pts 
  • The angry sheriff demonstrates that he is willing to shoot Mayor Weredog in the face in order to keep him safe. = +2pts 
  • “I don’t give a fuck about any of this shit.” – Rogue, stating what the rest of the audience was probably thinking. = +5pts 
  • Flashback Eric is able to send a woman into spontaneous orgasm just by entering the room. = +3pts 
  • Lots of very serious conversations are happening between Rogue and other characters. This would probably mean something to me if I knew anything about this show. = -9pts 
  • Just because I now know that Mayor Weredog can turn into other animals doesn’t mean I’m going to give him a new name (or learn his real one). = -3pts 
  • Lots of vampires going blart. = +12pts
Total Score = +13pts
Season Score = -60pts

Well, those folks held hostage in the basement of the goth bar have been rescued, which, near as I can tell, was the entire plot of this season. Not really sure what they’re going to do with the remaining 6 episodes or so. You can bet that the PCS will be there to tell you all about it, though.

Score Technician: Joe Hemmerling

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