Saturday, May 10, 2014

Game of Thrones Season 4, Episode 5

Okay, time to get caught up. No words. Just scores.
  • Westros has a new king! And so the people of Westros must ask themselves what Americans have been asking themselves for years: "How many Carter brothers are there?" = -1pts
  • Calisi's got 99 problems, but being a bitch with dragons ain't one. = -2pts (No, seriously, she has major problems. Welcome to upper management!)
  • And with the line, "I need to be more than that," Calisi makes the tough decision to to become Batman. = +10pts
  • Littlefinger is finally revealed to be...someone who's spent his entire life hating being called Littlefinger. Hell hath no fury like a man made fun of for the size of his....fingers. = +10pts (One for each tiny little phalange!)
  • Arya steals a page from The Scorecard Book of Sleep: Whenever you're having trouble falling asleep, just think of and call out all of the people who've dismembered, humiliated, eaten, and raped your family. You'll be knocking out some fresh zzz's in no time! = +4pts
  • Call us crazy, but nothing makes our day like being forced to marry your orgasmic aunt's breastfeeding cousin! You can practically hear the DNA shredding itself. Good times! = -3pts
  • Lighting your meal on fire and then putting it out with finely crafted shit covered boots. = +5pts
  • Hodor goes totally Hodor. = +12pts
  • Dire-wolf face eating! = +5pts
Episode Score +40pts
Season Score +201pts

They could have easily titled this episode "Settling Scores." Lots of long-standing open wounds were cauterized this episode (Craster's Keep, that pirate guy who chopped off Jaime's hand, Cersi's relationship with her father and son's potential wives), and essential long simmering afflictions where finally diagnosed (Littlefingers and all of his little fingers). The result was a quiet gem of an episode that, when considered, left us feeling like we had crossed the momentous equator at the heart of George Martin's massive saga. While nothing as earth shattering as Jeoffry's death stood at the center, one couldn't help but feel like a roller coaster just crested. From here on out it's gonna be crazy. Put your hands up and enjoy the ride.

Score Technician: Sean McConnell

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