American Horror Story: Coven is back from the holiday break with more zaniness, otherworldly shenanigans, and racial segregation!
- Queenie nonchalantly tearing out a rapist’s still-beating heart to make it clear that she’s done hanging out with them white bitches. = +10pts
- You can tell that you’ve been a terrible mother when you tell your daughter that you’re dying of cancer and she asks you to keel over before Thanksgiving so that no one has to eat your cooking. = -4pts
- Giving your teenaged son an enema for Jesus. = -20pts
- Killing the butler is a bad idea if you don’t want to have to do stuff yourself. = -4pts
- If only all Frankensteins chose to fill their abnormal brain with words rather than jerk off to porn. = +6pts
- Madison using her bitchcraft for a just cause. = +7pts
- Strike Spalding down and he shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. = -5pts
- Sniping a self-righteous Bible-thumper. = +10pts
- Bringing said Bible-thumper back to life. = +5pts (A positive score because she’s going to flip her wig after finding out that she was torn from Heaven’s gate by a swamp hippie.)
- Teaching FrankenKyle how to love again! = +6pts
- Angela Bassett really got ahead of herself by sending an early Christmas gift to the coven. = +6pts (Wink!)
Season Score = +161pts
The folks behind American Horror Story: Coven know their stuff if they can have the central plot point of an episode fizzle out and still keep the show captivating. Jessica Lange’s mental torture scenes went on too long, but the flashbacks to The Sacred Taking were enjoyable. Now that Misty Day has joined the coven, can we expect to see her in a four-way with FrankenKyle? We wouldn’t be surprised if the coming episode is just the characters grinding into one another in one supernatural orgy.
Score Technician: TJ Geise