Despite its frequent lampshading of witch-related dramas (with "Sabrina the Teenage Cracker" currently being our favorite jibe), the second episode of American Horror Story: Coven is really setting itself apart from the shows that helped pave the way by creating a bouillabaisse of the occult and then turning it on its head. From Satanic fertility magic to groovy hippie necromancy, the show is finding interesting ways to bend our expectations. Here's what the nanobots had to say!
- Swamp poaching pro-tip: gators can't resist the allure of jerk chicken. = +2pts
- Upon encountering the hippie Misty Day at their camp, one of the swamp poachers draws and aims his pistol at her. = +6pts (It's a natural reaction.)
- Black Magic Hippie taps two swamps and casts Raise Dead on the poached alligators. Unaffected by summoning sickness, they immediately avenge their deaths. = +10pts
- The tension between roommates is released when Madison apologizes to Zoe for killing her "boy candy" crush, Evan. = +3pts
- Chiding a 19th century immortal for being startled by a cell phone. = +4pts
- Queenie's origin stemmed from an altercation when she worked for a fried chicken joint called Chubbie's. = -10 pts for her being fat and -15 pts for her being black. Total score = -25fat/black pts (That they played up her intelligence made this scene even worse.)
- "He's still kinda cute," Madison says of the mangled remains of Zoe's boy candy. = +2pts
- Despite Zoe's objections, she goes along with Madison's plan to stitch Evan together like some sort of Fratenstein and then shout at the Devil to bring the corpse back to life. = +6pts
- Cursing your adversary with everlasting life and then burying her alive seems like the perfect strategy. = +8pts
- ...until someone digs up your now-unkillable enemy. = -8pts
- After botching the attempt to resurrect Evan, Zoe and Madison leave his sutured corpse on the examining table and hope that no one notices. = -5pts
- When someone immediately notices and confronts Zoe – FRATENSTEIN SMASH!!! = +3pts
- There's little that we wouldn't do to get our hands on a cash-shitting unicorn, Angela Bassett. Just sayin'. = +5pts (Call us!)
- Cordelia invokes blood sugar sex magic in hopes of being impregnated by her beardy husband. The only things missing to make this an episode of Bewitched 2013 was a laugh track and a chuckling Paul Lynde interrupting the coitus. = +8pts
- To say that Misty Day really likes her Stevie Nicks is to say that John Belushi really liked cocaine. = -4pts
- Zoe confuses Stevie Nicks with Steven Tyler. This truly is an American Horror Story. = - 6pts
- Poison in the buckwheat – what a way to go! = +3pts
Season Score = +22pts
Focusing more on character development and less on dry exposition, this episode gave a real taste of what's in store for the season. We're looking forward to more witchy shenanigans, albeit without the ham-handed treatment of Precious's character.
Score Technician: TJ Geise
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