- Joffery is really dead. Seriously. Process that. = +20pts (For definitively eliminating the chance of the doppelganger gambit, made popular on our other favorite serialized soap opera, Days of Our Lives.)
- Getting in a rickety boat with a man everybody calls "the fool." = -3pts
- Hey, Tommy Carcetti, are you allowed to change your accent mid-series? = +2pts
- How many inbred Lannisters are there? Call us skeptics, but we wouldn't be surprised if they were keeping an Arseface on ice, deep in a dungeon somewhere for when they get really desperate. = -2pts
- Tywin Lannister dropping knowledge. = +8pts
- Raping your sister next to the cold dead body of her psychopathic son, who also happens to be wearing stones with eyes painted on them. = -50pts
- Nothing says "you can trust me with the safety of your daughter, land, and silver" than a man with a half melted face and a beard full of rabbit stew. = +2pts
- Call us crazy, but is there any better sign of a good time than a condom being rinsed in a dirty mop-bucket? Just like grandma used to make! = +7pts
- Offering a seat to your guest. = +3pts
- That seat being a jizz-riddled brothel comforter. = -2pts
- "Categorically." = +10pts
- Apparently, the only thing you can't smuggle into a Westeros prison is...nothing. There is literally nothing you can't smuggle into a prison in Westeros. = +3pts
- Aw! Dad and son look so happy!...Wait!? What is happening?! Damn you, Cannibals! You're the worst! = -5pts
- Cannibals are the Hennimore!'s of Westeros. = -3pts
- It's official: John Mormont has read every Lonely Planet about "The World" ever published. No person is better at pointing to a bizarre new cultural ritual and telling you exactly it's meaning and intent without error. Get this man a Fullbright! = +4pts
- Dong! = +7pts
- For the people of Mereen, their love of dong is apparently only outweighed by their joy for the urine that flows out of it. = 0pts (A wash.)
- Dejected reaction of Mereen citizen to Kahleesi's champion's victorious urine spray looked a lot like this, which is another way of saying it was almost priceless. = +10pts
Season Score: +161pts
Leave it to an uncomfortable rape scene to drain the score of an otherwise stay-the-course-kind-of-episode. By moving a major plot point to the beginning of the season, Game of Thrones, found itself in the bizarre position of having to set the table for the season...again. While we applaud the showrunners for their bold decisions last episode, it clearly put them in the bind that is fallout mode. Still, anytime Tywin Lannister is on the screen we know it's in our best interests to pay attention. That man is stone cold, yo.
Score Technician: Sean McConnell
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