Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Bio-Cop: Thank You Card


The PCS has been on a bit of a hiatus of late, but leave it to the creative savants behind Bio-Cop to be the ones to drag us out of our winter sabbatical. In case you are unfamiliar with the aforementioned cop made of bio, take a moment to watch the video. It's cool. We'll wait...

Now, that you've educated yourself, the only thing left to do is let the nanobots have a go at it so that they can see exactly where this thank you falls on the progressive film spectrum.
  • Mentioning The PCS in any context, even as a thank you for contributing to an Indiegogo. = +25pts
  • Opening credit sequence montage of your main character that features both an attempted suicide AND double finger-guns. = +10pts
  • Casting Nobu for your bio terror horror movie. = +4pts
  • Bio-Cop realizing he wants nothing to do with that ninja action. = +2pts (He's nothing if not practical.)
  • The nanobots hearing their name in lights. = 0pts (They are nanobots not people, and are unmoved by bribery and thanks.)
  • Letting a ninja cut off your head. = -3pts
  • The realization that you can grow back your head with a fresh set of astonished eyes, weighted with the sadness of knowing that you are still Bio-Cop and not dead. = +6pts
  • Playing hide the regurgitating head with a ninja. = +10pts
  • Shrugging apologetically after surviving multiple ninja stars to the face. = +6pts (It's good to know there is at least one cop out there with a sense of shame.)
  • Committing Seppuku for being unable to kill a Bio-Cop. = -5pts
  • Giving Bio-Cop the idea of attempting Seppuku in his ongoing effort to kill himself... = +5pts
  • ...only to realize that doing so results in another mini-Bio-Cop head that we're sure also seeks the sweet release of death. = +3pts
  • Giving your kid a gun for his birthday... = -10pts
  • ...possibly in an effort to try out some secret bloodright, thus granting you the eternal slumber you so desire. = +5pts
  • Finding out that patricide for Christmas is like new underwear for Bio-Cop. = -2pts (Hey, we have feelings.)
  • Taking the gun you gave your son for Christmas and trying to use it on yourself because he's too much a of brat. = +3pts
  • Bio-Cop's lament. = +5pts (Don't say that the nanobots don't appreciate hilarious irony.)
Total Score: +64pts

Not a bad score for three-minutes of B-Movie tribute. Quite possibly the greatest scene from a fake movie (n)ever made. He may be part cop, part nightmare, but he's 100% a gentleman. You're welcome, Bio-Cop. You're welcome.

2 comments:

  1. İkitelli Masajsalonu
    Tuzla MasajSalonu
    istanbul anadolu yakası, avrupa yakası, masaj salonlarımız 7/24 hizmetinizde

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