Score Technician: Joe Hemmerling
So, we know things have been a little quiet around the PCS lately, but come on, you didn't think we'd forget, did you? It's Halloween, and if that means anything, it means that it's time for us to wander on over to Yandy.com to peruse their 2015 Halloween costume selection.
This year, the good people at Yandy must have gotten Halloween mixed up with Christmas, because they bequeathed to us the world's greatest gift in the form of this amazing music video (Go ahead and watch that and see how long you can go before you can feel yourself start to cringe on a cellular level.):
But enough horsing around. Let's take a look at what they're peddling.
- Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with a person who would wear this? She would definitely show up to the party with a guy dressed as a breathalyzer. = -7pts
- The extra weird thing is that this isn't even the only pot nurse costume available this year. = -2pts
- This slinky little two-toned number will have everyone at the party going, "Oh, yeah, I remember that, I think." = -3pts
- Hey, guys, your pizza rat costume was a bit too subtle, so we took the liberty of doctoring it a little:
- PM us so we can send you our banking information and collect our royalties. = -25pts
- This right here is the sexiness singularity. When women want to dress up as Donald Trump and look hot while they're doing it, well, then the very idea of "sexy" itself has come to mean everything and nothing all at once. = -100pts
- But, hey, at least they aren't carrying a Caitlyn Jenner costume. That shit's not cool, guys = +15pts
- So, obviously this is a mermaid costume. What, you couldn't tell just by looking at it? = -8pts
- On a similar note, hey, costume designers, if the only way people can tell what your customer is wearing is by sewing a picture of the thing they're supposed to be onto the middle of it, then you've done bad job. = -4pts
- Does it count as a "costume" when it's the outfit you wear to work as a gun show booth girl? = -9pts
- There's honestly nothing wrong with this Sexy Executioner costume. We just wanted to point out that the manufacturers blew a perfect opportunity to call it "The Sexicutioner," though. = -1pt
- For everyone who looked at the adorable mogwai from Gremlins and thought, "I would hit that." = -11pts
- A shield that tiny is going to be useless in battle. = -3pts
- Hey, you know what's totally appropriate? A sexy costume based on cartoon pre-schooler. Yeah, nothing at all creepy about that. = -200pts
Available on: Yandy.com
Another year, another perplexing batch of sexy Halloween costumes from Yandy.com. We hope this has been a helpful guide for making good sartorial choices this Halloween. If you forget everything else, please just remember this: stay away from any pre-school aged characters. Otherwise, we'll have to call the cops on you.