Friday, April 12, 2013

A Sincere Thank You

Dear Lifetime Intern,

I would like to start off by thanking you. Apparently, for reasons unknown to any of us at The Progressive Cinema Scorecard, you decided to post our Scorecard for Dirty Teacher on the official Facebook page for the movie Dirty Teacher. First off, we applaud your discerning taste. You, sir/madam, are obviously a person of exquisite refinement, one who clearly realizes a fine piece of science writing when you see one. Second, your sharing of our Scorecard (even if it only lasted around 5 hours before the “suits” forced you to remove it) resulted in a huge increase in our traffic. So much so, that, as of now, we show up in Google ahead of, not only the ACTUAL site for Dirty Teacher, but also all of the porn involving dirty teachers. More people find us on the internet because of Dirty Teacher than find us for our name and we are really proud of that.

Joe and I truly hope that your progressive tastes did not result in you losing your internship at Lifetime. But we aren’t going to lie, the idea that executives at your network may have spent an entire day dealing with the "Dirty Teacher" situation amuses us greatly. (“This looks great! Wait, what is this? Did anybody read this first? How did it get up there? IS IT STILL UP THERE? Take it Down! Fire X-Intern/send him to the edge of the earth for coffee on a bicycle with a flat tire. We need to have a strategy session on how that got up there. I need to email at least 4 people to get to the bottom of this and then watch them eat each other to avoid responsibility. CALL A MEETING! I need to email my boss. Now I need to call my boss! WHERE DID MY DAY GO!”)

So, thank you, Intern. We hope you are well.

Now, to all my social network friends and blog readers, I think we could all learn from Lifetime Intern’s sacrifice. I urge you, in his/her name, to go to the blog and pick out a scorecard and share it with your friends/post it on a wall of some person who may find it relevant. Or, better yet, pick up the mantle of truth-science and do one yourself. Be a better person and get involved. If not for Joe and me, then for that poor intern who, in all likelihood, is calling his or her father right now in the hopes that dad might know somebody else who needs someone to run for coffee. Do it for that person. Do it for humanity.


Sean, Joe, and all the rest of the Technicians

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