Thursday, February 12, 2015

American Horror Story: Freak Show, Season Finale

Score Technician: Sean McConnell

Yep, there was one more. Look we've already touched on the problems with this season. Let's just get this over with already.
  • '50s lingo alert: "Nancy," a term used to describe wealthy boys who've murdered their mother and bathed in their blood. = -2pts
  • Spitting on white privilege. = +5pts
  • Finally quitting your job after your boss suggests putting horns on your girlfriend. = +8pts
  • Not quitting your job after your last boss buried a knife in your chest and murdered one of your good friends. = -16pts
  • The '50s, when big-time network executives had the grueling job of overseeing 12-hours of programming. = +2pts (How did they ever manage?)
  • Remember when Elsa had fake legs? This show doesn't. = -2pts
  • Spitting on your boss before you quit and then hanging around to make popcorn. = +3pts
  • Being surprised when he shows up with his gold plated pistol to murder everyone. = -5pts
  • Losing a fight to a guy named Dandy, even though previously you easily beat up a another guy who could crush another man's hands with minimal effort. = -8pts (Proof that female power is merely a plot device in AHS.)
  • Jimmy Darling shows up one last time to remind us how useless he's been all season. = -4pts (See above image.)
  • If you play a game and the score is 20-1, and you're on the team that only has 1, we're pretty sure that means you've lost. Don't try this logic with Jimmy Darling, though. You know why? Three words: The Toledo Code. = -4pts
  • The last 30-minutes of this show. = 0pts
Episode Score: -23pts
Season Score: -43pts

We'd love to say something profound about this last episode, but it was such an incoherent mess we feel doing so would diminish the quality work the performers and people involved put forward in the past. (The less said about that sushi scene the better.) Sometimes you just need to cut the ties to those shoes in your closet that you never wore, because your boozer pops bought them for you on that birthday where your mom forgot the cake and the kid next door never let go of the giant balloon and got lost across the horizon. What can we say? That's just the fucking Toledo Code.

No comments:

Post a Comment